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Sunday, July 25, 2010

World of Warcraft: Vanilla to Wrath

See the world they said, meet new people they said, well here I'm in the Magical land of Azeroth. Population 13 million or some such number but take away the virgins and gold farmers and its around 20. Why so many lifeless nerds you ask? walk through the world see all there is to see. Congratulations you just wasted around 80 days worth of time.

The graphics are stylized in a funny almost cartoonish way that help the game keep impressive looking visuals while not raping everyone computers and internet. The environments are expansive, large, and diversified, giving you a new opportunity to gape in "aw" while being lost every five minutes. The game covers everything from;  plains, tundra, mountains with snow, mountains without snow, more grass, savannah's, castle towns, dungeons, old ruins, burnt towns, a couple desserts environments, swamps, floating debris, and even a floaty spaceship thingy that makes you feel as if someone took a big spoon of sci-fi and tried to jam it down your fantasy loving throat.

The game play is mostly composed of grinding, killing animals, killing people, collecting animal spleens, and the heads of elderly people in a field grazing or some such thing. But you do it in ways that always make it seem interesting or at least trivial in such a way that you hope to find the truth behind your actions will be revealed if you just kill the 7 orphans and take their teddy bears while the epic and master fully composed music plays in the back ground making you feel like some fucking hero.

There is currently ten different races split between two factions, The Horde and the Alliance with ten different classes with a multitude of different hair styles to be had to make you stand out like a Priest at a gay pride convention. The two factions, the horde and alliance have pretty much the same class options. The difference is the oh so mighty Horde is Brutish and filled with Orcs, cow people, trolls, zombies, and for some reason gay elves. The alliance is composed of the apparently "noble" and egotistical humans, lawn gnomes, dwarves, Tree hugger elves, and the dreania which I can't think of a derogatory term for so fuck them. The two factions have been at war for the better part of 30 some odd years and I don't think anyone actually remembers why. WHY?! what does it take to end a war? you don't even know why your here!

So you the happy players get to choose a side, find other various players and virgins to team up with and go kill virgins of the opposing faction generally in designated battle grounds or a certain race's city, or allot of people have also taken to the sport of " ganking". Ganking is a dick move generally involving killing a player who is at least 20 levels lower then ones self and dies in 1 hit, the sport is generally practiced by people who are very bored or want to make their epeen seem bigger because they failed at everything else.

If you want to thoroughly waste your life and have fun while becoming a lifeless zombie this game is definitely for you. for everyone else there's the real world, work,  and sex.